A couple of G&S parodies that I've posted to Usenet, and have been persuaded that it might be worth keeping around.
Tune: "Take a Pair of Sparkling Eyes", from The Gondoliers by Gilbert and Sullivan.
Take a pair of floating eyes, When you put your blindfold on, They are mercifully eclipsed-- Do not heed their paralyse-- If some eyes you'd feed upon, Chop and hack them into bits; Take a flayer hand-to-hand, With a helmet for defence (Or at range if you insist); If its flesh is not too bland, You'll increase intelligence-- Tin it, tin it, so it will persist. Ah! Take all these, you lucky @-- Take and eat them, just do that, just do that! Take all these, you lucky @-- Take and eat them, just do that, just do that! Take a pretty little nymph-- Quite a delicate affair-- But with charm that is quite dire; She'll go through the labyrinth With the treasures rich and rare You've endeavoured to acquire. Live to fight and fight to live-- You'll gain weapon expertise, And some spells maybe beside-- Fate has nothing more to give. You're a dainty @ to please If you're not satisfied, not satisfied. Ah! Take my counsel, happy @; Act upon it, just do that, just do that! Take my counsel, happy @; Act upon it, just do that, just do that!
Tune: "The Flowers that Bloom in the Spring" from The Mikado by Gilbert and Sullivan.
The monsters that lurk in the maze, tra-la Breathe acid and cold and red fire; As we petrify under their gaze, tra-la Our potions will boil from their rays, tra-la And so much for the invisible choir; And so much for the invisible choir; And that's what we mean when we say that a game Is evil and cruel and never the same. Tra la la la la, Tra la la la la, NetHack is never the same. Tra la la la la, Tra la la la la, Tra la la la la la!